AttroPheed's Blog

Been a While

attropheed — Mon, 24 Dec 2007 10:19:23 +0000

Moved back to America from France *cough* a year ago *cough* and besides a triumphant return to my thrilling life as a Janitor and PS2 owner not much has happened. Still married to the same wonderful French chick and she still has her overweight cat. I kinda miss France but America is nice too as long as you ignore all the theistic nonsense and the fucking rednecks. France has their rednecks too but they don’t seem to have as much of a voice in government and they aren’t posting horrible patriotic pictures of eagles everywhere and buying every magnetic ribbon they can manage to slap on their grubby pick-up truck. In France they wear extremely tight pants and drink beer on the sidewalk while their baby-mama sits on a bench and smokes while she watches the kid they conceived at some party play in the cigarette butt and dog shit infested street.

I live in Olympia, WA now which isn’t ideal but it’s better than the backwater burg I was staying in when I arrived. The drivers in this town are the worst I’ve ever seen. I hear there are worse but as I drive by multiple accidents on my 9 mile trek to work I find it difficult to believe. It’s not a matter of if I’ll get in an accident but when. Anyway, buh-bye.

Get that cat outta here!

attropheed — Thu, 08 Jun 2006 15:52:27 +0000

Here’s what I’m thinking…

I’ve been hearing this fucking cat outside my window locked in some cumsock’s apartment for the past 2 months. From about 8am to 8pm everyday it lets out 5 to 10 wretched, gutteral, yowls taking 45 second breaks in between yowling spells to calculate it’s next daring escape plan. When Plan-B never arrives it starts right back up with the fucking yowling. I must be the only person in the 200 or so apartments surrounding the courtyard behind my apartment being driven up the wall by the miserable creature or I’m sure some kind policeman or animal control officer or maybe a concerned god damned neighbor would have mentioned to the cat’s illustrious owner that he\she needs to close his\her fucking window or find some other means of putting an end to the fucking yowling already.

Here’s what I think the cat is thinking..

Yowl, Yowl, Yowl, Yowl, Yowl… ok that aint working maybe if I try Yowl, Yowl, Yowl, Yowl, Yowl, Yowl… Drat! The door is still sealed tight! Curse this impenetrable studio apartment fortress! At least there is an off chance that I’m bugging the shit out of some asshole trying to watch TV in fucking peace. Now where was I? Or right..Yowl, Yowl, Yowl, etc.

Here’s what I think the cat’s owner is thinking…

Fucking DUUHHHHHHHHHHH!

Here’s what I think my teeming millions of readers are thinking…

*Pff* douche.

Hitman: Blood Money

attropheed — Sat, 03 Jun 2006 16:06:22 +0000

The new Hitman game is quite good. As soon as I finished it I ran back thru the entire game on each difficulty setting figuring out new ways to assassinate suckas. I was never really a fan of the previous games in the series as I found them to be quirky and ofttimes tedious affairs but they seem to have worked that all out in Blood Money. If you’re a fan of the series it’s a definite must buy, if not it may just make you a convert.

You can get a single level demo (and its patch) here.

Shitty Games

attropheed — Sun, 09 Apr 2006 02:23:16 +0000

How is it possible to make a shitty game? Let’s look at True Crime: New York City for instance. Didn’t anyone notice that you have to press the frisk button about 15 times before your character actually fucking frisks the person his arm has been clipping thru for the last 30 seconds? How about the fact that you can send a bus spiraling 30 feet into the air just by clipping its rear end with a sports car? I wouldn’t even call these bugs so much as plain ass laziness. It’s not just True Crime either. It’s the camera and fight mechanics in the last 3 Prince of Persia games. It’s whatever the fuck is going on in Path of Neo that makes it pretty much unplayable (not to mention fugly but we’re talking about gameplay here). It’s the get knocked down and shot to death by some dude offscreen bullshit from the last 4 Metal Gear games. It’s also smaller elements like the ol’ checkpoint save/unskippable cutscene combo. Can’t we do another checkpoint save after the fucking cutscene so I don’t have to watch it again after I accidently grenade myself because I was fucking with your shitty third-person camera? It’s games that won’t let you rebind controls. WTF is that about? And I know some consolers are just fine playing their FPSs with a joypad but FFS can we get some mouse/keyboard support already? The Dreamcast had it 5 years ago ya fucksticks. More peripherals = more $$$.

Don’t QA guys play games outside of work? Maybe something in a game developer’s genes makes them fucking love being shot at by shit that’s offscreen or forced to sit thru a level reload and unskippable cutscene a 10th time because the boss has an unblockable combo he keeps cheaping you to death with. I don’t know. What I do know is that the world needs more people like Shigeru Miyamoto and Cliffy B.

Upgraded to Wordpress 2.0

attropheed — Wed, 28 Dec 2005 04:12:21 +0000

You probably don’t notice anything new but it’s different in the back office. In other news: I think I finally got rid of the crabs that your mother gave me.

Edit: Now it’s Wordpress 2.0.2

Interview with Flying Spaghetti Monster Founder

attropheed — Thu, 22 Dec 2005 22:50:07 +0000

Wired news has a great interview with Bobby Henderson, the founder of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. He is planning on writing the gospel of the FSM and using the proceeds to buy a pirate ship to convert the masses.

Judge says NO to Intelligent Design!

attropheed — Tue, 20 Dec 2005 18:24:28 +0000

“Intelligent design” cannot be mentioned in biology classes in a Pennsylvania public school district, a federal judge said Tuesday, ruling in one of the biggest courtroom clashes on evolution since the 1925 Scopes trial.

Evolution 101

attropheed — Mon, 19 Dec 2005 09:05:34 +0000

“This in-depth, multi-part course takes you through evolutionary theory and mechanisms, from definitions to details, natural selection to genetic drift, mutations to punctuated equilibrium. Evolution 101 provides the nuts-and-bolts on the patterns and mechanisms of evolution.”

My letter to a whackjob

attropheed — Mon, 07 Nov 2005 17:24:56 +0000

On November 2nd I sent the following email to the nutjob at tencommandments.org not expecting a reply. (If you’ve no idea what I’m talking about go here)

My original letter:

“Physical or factual evidence must also be satanic as
I’ve seen none on your site. Even going so far as the
blatant fabrication of your own so called “Supporting
Documents.” Other posted articles are suggestive of
fabrication as well, as you make no citations of
reference. In fact rather than believe you have
anything valid to say, and the fact that your argument
displays a heavy reliance on poorly written rants,
confused religious prate, and an overall general
misanthropic sentiment, you have me believing that you
are in need of psychotherapy. I can only hope that
some member of your family cares enough to get you the
help you so desperately require.

In the meantime, best of luck in your fight against
rational thought. Hopefully one day we’ll be back to
publicly stoning adulterous wives and putting unruly
children to death.”

And Mr Robert T Lee’s reply:

“There won’t be any stoning. Its hell and the Lake of fire next time
around. Go any clue on how you will escape them?”

My reply:

“It shouldn’t be too difficult to escape figments of your imagination.”

And Mr Lee’s reply to my second attempt at being smarmy (11/15/2005):

“You are right; its not difficult to escape figments of the
imagination. BUT…..”

But what?

What’s the deal with shavers

attropheed — Mon, 07 Nov 2005 15:16:38 +0000

Why does an electric razor have to be as loud as a UPS Truck cruising at highway speed? Why does a vacuum cleaner motor have to drown out the sound of a nuclear bomb going off? We really can’t invent anything better than loud ass (heavy) electromagnetic motors? I should be able to vacuum at 2AM but I don’t because I’m quite certain it will wake my neighbors and they’ll call the cops. I think we need to pull some of the scientists off of cancer research to get to the bottom of this. We have plenty of old people and chain smokers. I think it’s time we got off our collective asses and invented a quiet electric motor. Or I could just buy some disposable razors and a broom.