Published on Monday December 24, 2007 .
Moved back to America from France *cough* a year ago *cough* and besides a triumphant return to my thrilling life as a Janitor and PS2 owner not much has happened. Still married to the same wonderful French chick and she still has her overweight cat. I kinda miss France but America is nice too as long as you ignore all the theistic nonsense and the fucking rednecks. France has their rednecks too but they don’t seem to have as much of a voice in government and they aren’t posting horrible patriotic pictures of eagles everywhere and buying every magnetic ribbon they can manage to slap on their grubby pick-up truck. In France they wear extremely tight pants and drink beer on the sidewalk while their baby-mama sits on a bench and smokes while she watches the kid they conceived at some party play in the cigarette butt and dog shit infested street.
I live in Olympia, WA now which isn’t ideal but it’s better than the backwater burg I was staying in when I arrived. The drivers in this town are the worst I’ve ever seen. I hear there are worse but as I drive by multiple accidents on my 9 mile trek to work I find it difficult to believe. It’s not a matter of if I’ll get in an accident but when. Anyway, buh-bye.
Here’s what I’m thinking…
I’ve been hearing this fucking cat outside my window locked in some cumsock’s apartment for the past 2 months. From about 8am to 8pm everyday it lets out 5 to 10 wretched, gutteral, yowls taking 45 second breaks in between yowling spells to calculate it’s next daring escape plan. When Plan-B never arrives it starts right back up with the fucking yowling. I must be the only person in the 200 or so apartments surrounding the courtyard behind my apartment being driven up the wall by the miserable creature or I’m sure some kind policeman or animal control officer or maybe a concerned god damned neighbor would have mentioned to the cat’s illustrious owner that he\she needs to close his\her fucking window or find some other means of putting an end to the fucking yowling already.
Here’s what I think the cat is thinking..
Yowl, Yowl, Yowl, Yowl, Yowl… ok that aint working maybe if I try Yowl, Yowl, Yowl, Yowl, Yowl, Yowl… Drat! The door is still sealed tight! Curse this impenetrable studio apartment fortress! At least there is an off chance that I’m bugging the shit out of some asshole trying to watch TV in fucking peace. Now where was I? Or right..Yowl, Yowl, Yowl, etc.
Here’s what I think the cat’s owner is thinking…
Fucking DUUHHHHHHHHHHH!
Here’s what I think my teeming millions of readers are thinking…
*Pff* douche.
The new Hitman game is quite good. As soon as I finished it I ran back thru the entire game on each difficulty setting figuring out new ways to assassinate suckas. I was never really a fan of the previous games in the series as I found them to be quirky and ofttimes tedious affairs but they seem to have worked that all out in Blood Money. If you’re a fan of the series it’s a definite must buy, if not it may just make you a convert.
You can get a single level demo (and its patch) here.
How is it possible to make a shitty game? Let’s look at True Crime: New York City for instance. Didn’t anyone notice that you have to press the frisk button about 15 times before your character actually fucking frisks the person his arm has been clipping thru for the last 30 seconds? How about the fact that you can send a bus spiraling 30 feet into the air just by clipping its rear end with a sports car? I wouldn’t even call these bugs so much as plain ass laziness. It’s not just True Crime either. It’s the camera and fight mechanics in the last 3 Prince of Persia games. It’s whatever the fuck is going on in Path of Neo that makes it pretty much unplayable (not to mention fugly but we’re talking about gameplay here). It’s the get knocked down and shot to death by some dude offscreen bullshit from the last 4 Metal Gear games. It’s also smaller elements like the ol’ checkpoint save/unskippable cutscene combo. Can’t we do another checkpoint save after the fucking cutscene so I don’t have to watch it again after I accidently grenade myself because I was fucking with your shitty third-person camera? It’s games that won’t let you rebind controls. WTF is that about? And I know some consolers are just fine playing their FPSs with a joypad but FFS can we get some mouse/keyboard support already? The Dreamcast had it 5 years ago ya fucksticks. More peripherals = more $$$.
Don’t QA guys play games outside of work? Maybe something in a game developer’s genes makes them fucking love being shot at by shit that’s offscreen or forced to sit thru a level reload and unskippable cutscene a 10th time because the boss has an unblockable combo he keeps cheaping you to death with. I don’t know. What I do know is that the world needs more people like Shigeru Miyamoto and Cliffy B.
Published on Wednesday December 28, 2005 .
You probably don’t notice anything new but it’s different in the back office. In other news: I think I finally got rid of the crabs that your mother gave me.
Edit: Now it’s Wordpress 2.0.2
Published on Thursday December 22, 2005 .
Wired news has a great interview with Bobby Henderson, the founder of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. He is planning on writing the gospel of the FSM and using the proceeds to buy a pirate ship to convert the masses.
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